yeah...yeah...teng..teng

ha ha ha ha....:)
i just want to be myself.
I am happy to be myself.
Great people is people who grateful what all of his/her get.
Allah SWT always give the best for you, right???
Da da da...I am happy...yeah yeah.

Try to reach my dream

Maybe I am crazy...but this dream won't go from me...this dream always come to me, every second, every day.
I am wondering what must I do?
I wish I can stop this dream..but have a dream is a blessing from Allah SWT.
Dream is a purpose that I have to accomplish
Dream is an activity that I have to do it
Dream is an imagination that I make it become real
Dream is a way to walk with Allah SWT
Dream is a job that we have to finish it
Dream is a bridge to touch the star
Dream is a clue to smells freedom
Dream is a place where I can meet with all of people that I love
Dream is a time when I can relax and create my imagination
Dream is a wings to fly to the sky
Dream..dream....I make you become real.....
I accomplish my dream become real with guide from ALLAH SWT.
AMIN.

Brighter sky

From Bandung to Jakarta, the rain accompany us (me, Pak Mano and Bu Hasmi).
The sky is so beautiful..the color of air and the sky are white.
All of them is white. I like it.
I like the rain, I like the smells of the rain.
Even I feel tired....fuihh, but the rain bring my body to the fresh condition.
My mind think thats everything will be fine.
Tomorrow is my birthday, so I want to thank to Allah SWT for a wonderful and beautiful life.
For everything that Allah SWT give to me, I can't count His Blessings,
I just can say Thank You, Allah SWT.
Thanks for everything.
Sky is so bright, just like my heart...very bright.

I am afraid of YOU, ALLAH SWT and I find YOU

Since yesterday and today at 5.30 PM, I joined ESQ training.
And today, I was scared....when the light turn off and the room be dark....the sound system turn very loud....with scare music....
i am scare..so I am looking for YOU, ALLAH SWT...actually at that time...I said,"Ya ALLAH SWT, I am scare, please help me...this situation make me uncomfortable...I am afraid to YOU, ALLAH SWT......
I believe Allah SWT help me to make me calm down....oh GOD,....
Well, at least I learn something and I find another friends.
I just now, that Citra is good listener...she can read me...I think it will be nice if Citra and me have a lot conversation and we can know each other...
If we grateful with all that we have....everything will be okay and I prove it, I feel grateful with join ESQ training (even first time I am not sure to join this training, but I believe Allah SWT give the best, so I go to ESQ training for ALLAH SWT) and I am happy because I know Citra, and I like it.....Thank God.
So EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. Amin

Morning time

if I sad, I always talk to Allah SWT, I ask His Mercy and His Blessing to help me solve my problem, to cheers me up.
And suddenly this morning, everything seem to be okay.
I dont care what happen, but I feel so calm, and peace...he he :)
Thanks ALLAH SWT.

Hari ini

Kadang-kadang, bahkan sering saya berpikir, mungkin saya lebih bahagia dibuat menangis murid-murid saya (saya menangisi kebaikan murid-murid saya yang membuat saya terharu) dibanding saya menangis karena orang-orang dewasa disekitar saya.
Saya tidak komplain dengan nikmat yang Allah berikan, tapi saya heran dengan berbagai alasan yang dikemukan orang agar orang-orang tersebut merasa benar.
Dear Allah SWT, just only You, The One who always right,
The One who always beside me when I cry
The One who always cheers me up after I cry.
I LOVE YOU, ALLAH SWT.
Saya mungkin cengeng, hanya gara-gara orang yg minta tolong untuk disegerakan urusannya dan meminta saya dgn beberapa kalimat.....bukan saya tidak suka, tapi saya merasa gaya bicara orang tersebut seperti saya seorang pembantu...mungkin saya yg sensitif...tapi saya tidak menyukainya...
saya juga tahu betapa lelahnya badan bila sudah berjalan jauh....tapi apakah orang-orang juga lupa bahwa saya juga manusia yang merasa lelah dan capek? siapa yang suruh untuk jalan-jalan.
bukan saya tidak suka jalan-jalan, tapi saya jalan-jalan bila saya sudah tidak ada kerjaan...bukan saya sok......
salahkah saya bila saya merasa lelah.....kenapa orang boleh capek dan lelah, tapi saya harus stand by.....
bukan saya malas.......bukan, tapi saya merasa sendirian.....sendiri di sebuah ruang besar....
saya rindu suara tawa murid-murid saya......saya rindu kebersamaan bersama mereka.....
saya ingin saat-saat melakukan kegiatan bersama dengan murid-murid saya terulang kembali....
saat dimana kerjasama itu terasa dan ada.....
segala hal akan indah pada waktunya dan saya yakin apapun yang terjadi pada saya saat ini adalah pilhan terbaik dari Allah SWT.
Saya bisa belajar banyak hal, terutama dalam hal menghargai orang.....dan yang pasti belajar lebih sabar lagi.
Bila kata orang, GURU adalah pekerjaan yang penuh kesabaran...maka saya mengatakan,'menjadi guru membuat saya otomatis menjadi sabar...karena menjadi contoh bagi murid-murid saya....tetapi menjadi pegawai di kantor ternyata butuh kesabaran yang lebih luar biasa terutama dalam menghadapi orang-orang yg notabene lebih tua dibanding kita tetapi kelakuannya melebihi kelakuan anak-anak TK..sungguh suatu ironi, berada bersama orang yg lebih tua tetapi tidak dewasa.
Hari ini membuat saya menangis...mungkin saya hanya mengingat hal yang buruk...tetapi tidak...
saya juga akan mengingat bahwa hari ini ada seseorang yang berbaik hati menaktir saya dan mengajak jalan-jalan untuk membeli oleh-oleh...terima kasih ALLAH SWT.

I hate the way some people talk

I AM NOT YOUR MAID....STOP TALKING LIKE I AM YOUR MAID, WHY PEOPLE TALK TO SOMEBODY VERY ARROGANT, THEY THINK THEY ARE GREAT PERSON, MAYBE THEY FORGET THAT ALLAH SWT, THE OWNER OF THIS WORLD, NEVER SHOW OFF....BUT ALWAYS GIVE MERCY.
WHERE ARE THEIR MIND (FOR ARROGANT PEOPLE)?..YOU THINK I AM YOUR SERVANT WHO ALWAYS DO ANYTHING YOU WANT IMMEDIATELY.......
I HATE IT. I HATE PEOPLE TREATMENT ME LIKE THAT......
IS NOT ABOUT STATUS OR HOW TO APPRECIATE ME, THIS IS ABOUT HOW YOU RESPECT PERSON......
PLEASE GOD, GIVE ME, YOUR BLESSING SO I CAN STAND UP.

Smile

I want to see smile.
Not one smile, but a lot of smile.
I am smile with my heart, because I think the world is more beautiful if we are smile.
I am smile because of Allah SWT, so He also smile to me.
Allah SWT give His mercy and His kindness to me, to guide me,
because I forget to do charity, thats why Allah SWT remind me,
please forgive me, Allah
Maybe I am too greedy now.
Is not because I am afraid to be poor?
Is not because I want to keep money?
This is about I have to back to be myself.
I have to be me again.
I almost forget that I am not a shopaholic person....
I always learn to save money.
Now, I forget, for what I spend my money,
I waste my time, my money for expensive things and for nothing.
I have to focus with my dream....
This is my time,
remember Erlin.
Touch the sky, fly very high....
A smile can bring me back to the reality.
I HAVE TO BACK...
I have to get my spirit again...
Smile erlin...smile
Just be patient..
Use my passion to fulfill my dream :)
Bismillah.

Rain

Hei Rain...
Why you take a long time to come?
Finally rain say hallo to me last night....
even rain come just for a moment...
I love the smell of rain...
the smell of air ....
Rain...rain...
please bring my luck....
please bring all of my sin to the sea...
please bring all of my pain to the air...
I pray to Allah SWT..
please guide me to the right way..
hold my hand..God, so You always beside me.
Amin

I find my answer

Finally, I find my answer.
Yeah.....cihui after ashr pray, hmm, no no, actually before I pray...I find the answer.
I find the answer that I'm looking for.
I don't know what happen with me, just suddenly I remember my mother (I remember my mother everyday, but its look like I am talking with her, I am talking with my mother......I don't dare to dream like this...but its like real...after I pray, I'm talking with her),
and then I get the answer.
I ask Allah SWT, what am I doing right now?
I don't know what I am doing, I don't know what I am looking for....
So I ask Allah SWT....
Then I realize, that finally Allah SWT give me the answer.
Alhamdulillah, makasih ya Allah SWT.
I like your answer.
Ya Allah SWT, I like the way You give me the answer...(You give answer with allow me to talk with my Mom)
I like it.
Thanks Allah SWT.
I promise to You, that I never complain again about my job....because I know why I am here now.
I know what I am doing right now...
I just want to make myself clear...that.....I have to touch the sky and I have fly very high.....
Because I know that my mother allow me to do whatever I like...whatever I want to do....
Because my mother know, that I am doing the right things for me, because Allah SWT is always beside me to guide me....
Dear Mom,
don't worry, I'm okay,
I already in the middle of the river, so I don't want to look behind...I just want to get the other side of the river.
That's my Mom tell to me to cheers up me....
So, Mom...I prove to you that I get my dream, I reach my goals....

I LOVE TODAY....THANKS ALLAH SWT.

Every day is beautiful.

I hope, every day is beautiful....of course every day is beautiful, but I don't realize it.
The sky isn't bright today....
the sky is cloudy today because last night was rain...
Rain whose bring a lot of bless from Allah....
Rain whose bring my memory back....

The sky is cloudy now...
The atmosphere remind me of my students...
My students who I left behind...
My memory play in my head and don't want to go...
Its make me feel blue...
because at this time...I used to be laughing with my students...
I used to be drink hot ginger with my mom...
I used to hugs my mom at rainy time...

I wish I make my new memory..
My new story...
Beautiful as my old memory...
Because I am the one who write my destiny...
I am the one who make my choice...
I am the one who choose my own way...

Dear Allah..
Thanks for everything..
Thanks for cloudy day...
This atmosphere remind me..
when I am still child and play in the rain..
I can't look back ..
I have to step forward...
To see my future...

But I believe this is right way...
because I know, Allah is always beside me.
I have You, Allah.
And I believe...
someday I back to teach again....
I always believe.....
Thanks Allah SWT

Andai aku bisa melakukannya????

I wish at this time, I can cry or yell very loud, but I know maybe it useless,
I wish I understand what happen with me....how come to be grateful is very hard?
Maybe I am the one who very selfish?
Who knows?
I wish I can do anything that I like, but I can't.
I always blame myself if something not right in my eyes......even I don't know if thats my fault or not.
I wish I am very confident to say, how good I am, how precious I am....can I say it?
I really really wish I can cry.

Kalah

Akhirnya, kami kalah, saya menangis........saya ingin menangis.............................Ya Allah, saya kalah, Ya Allah, saya tunggu jawabanMU, hanya Engkau yang bisa menjawab masalahku. ternyata kami kalah.
Saya sudah lelah menangis, krn menangis tidak bisa memberi jawaban. saya menungguMu, karena Engkau tahu yang terbaik.
Amin.
Kami bukan menyatakan kalah, tapi kami menungguMu, Ya Allah.

Kebijaksanaan dan kedewasaan

Saya rasanya ingin menangis (padahal sudah menangis saat ini). Saya sudah lelah untuk menangis, tapi saya juga sudah capek....saya sudah mengadu pada Allah SWT, tapi saya merasa Allah belum menjawab pertanyaan saya. I wish you are here, Mom. I miss you. Saat ini saya mempertanyakan kedewasaan ayah saya, saya menanyakan apakah beliau tidak belajar dari pengalaman bersama mami dulu....tidak cukupkah keluarga ayahku menyakiti kami....:''''(
Bukan saya tidak ikhlas, bukan saya membenci keluarga ayah saya, karena saya tidak mau kebencian saya merusak diri saya...tapi saya lelah dengan mereka. Tidak cukupkah mereka membuat mami menderita, ketika mami sudah tidak ada, kenapa mereka tetap menyakiti hatiku.
Ya Allah, blog ini adalah diaryku, toh saya yakin tidak ada yang akan membaca blog ini, jadi saya tidak perlu khawatir bila ada orang yang menganggap saya aneh.
Kedewasaan dan kebijaksanaan seseorang ternyata bukan berdasarkan umur, saya menangis karena ayah saya belum bijaksana dalam mengambil keputusan. Bukan saya meminta ayah saya untuk memilih antara kami, anak-anaknya dengan saudara-saudara beliau, tapi saya lelah dengan gangguan dari saudara-saudara beliau.
Ya Allah hanya kepadaMU dan diblog ini saya menulis segalanya......ya Allah, mungkin saya telah menyakiti hati ayahku, tapi saya kali ini tidak mau.....tidak mau selalu berkata iya, padahal diri saya sendiri susah. Saya tidak mau menjadi orang munafik, dan saya ingin sekali, saya bahagia, saya melakukan apa yang saya mau, bukan melakukan apa yang orang lain inginkan.
Ya Allah, saya ingin bisa menghargai diri saya sendiri, melakukan yang saya inginkan, saya selalu mengiyakan apa kata orang lain, meski hati saya tidak menginginkannya.
Bukankah saya sudah memilih menjadi pns dibanding menjadi guru (pekerjaan yang saya cintai, hidup saya, dunia saya)?
Apakah itu tidak cukup? maafkan saya yang komplain, Ya Allah.
Bukan saya tidak bersyukur, karena saya tahu nikmatMU sangat banyak......saya malu padaMu, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, saya tahu suatu saat nanti saya pasti menemukan jalan yang membuat saya bahagia dan melakukan hal-hal yang saya sukai dengan hati ikhlas.
At least sekarang saya lega....karena saya sudah mengadu padaMU, Ya Allah.
Saya berharap ayah saya selalu mengambil keputusan dengan kebijaksanaan dan kedewasaan.
Dan saya berdoa padaMU, Ya Allah, berikanlah saya kedewasaan dalam berpikir dan kebijaksanaan dalam mengambil keputusan. Amin.

Surat Ar Rahman dan Sahur on the road (SOTR)

Mungkin manusia memang paling suka komplain dan merasa tidak pernah puas. Termasuk saya. Bisa dibilang saya selalu komplain terutama pada Allah SWT, Sang Pemilik Segalanya, karena saya adalah orang yang percaya diri bahwa komplain itu hanya pada Allah SWT, yang pasti bisa merubah keputusan...betul kan? he he, ini orang yang ngeyel.
Meski saya tahu bahwa saya seharusnya bersyukur dengan apa yang saya miliki.
Hari Selasa, 23 Agustus 2011, saya nekat pergi ke sekolah Tugasku...rasanya seperti seabad lebih saya tidak ke Tugasku (ini hiperbola)...saya kangen....saya melihat anak-anak sholat dhuha berjama'ah, lalu mendengar tausiah dari Pak Imron dan ikrar bareng anak-anak. I miss this routines. Saya kangen rutinitas di Tugasku.
Mungkin saya terlalu cengeng, tapi mendengar anak-anak memanggil mae dan bue, rasanya ingin manangis saat itu juga di aula (untung sadar diri ada banyak anak).
Tapi ketika masuk ke ruang guru dan bercerita tentang segala hal yang sudah terjadi.....jadilah tangisan bombay.....ya Allah ya Robbi, bukan berarti hambaMu ini ingkar/tidak bersyukur, tapi saya hanya terlalu sentimentil untuk membandingkan nikmat yang Kau berikan dulu dengan nikmat yang Kau berikan sekarang. Saya lupa bahwa Tugasku tidak pernah hilang....bahkan Allah SWT memberi saya tambahan lebih banyak nikmat dengan saya bekerja di Dikti. Thanks buat teman-teman guru Tugasku, yang sudah hafal dengan si Ibu Erlin yg ekspresif dan suka hiperbol ini serta masih mau menghibur daku yg aneh ini...he he :P, yang setia mendengar cerita saya dan mensupport saya...makasih banyak untuk mengingatkan saya, bahwa saya kerja saat ini untuk membahagiakan ayah saya dan membuat lebih banyak 'pembagian rejeki'......ya kan Bapak dan Ibu guru Tugasku.....mungkin memang saatnya 'give it back the money to the right place' digiatkan...ok, cheers up.
Don't let something make you down...but make it become support that make you go forward.
Ingat ikrar...hi murid-muridku, Indonesia butuh orang jujur dan terhormat, jadi ingatlah ikrar dan janjimu.
Bismillahirrohmannirrohim
In the name of Allah the most gracious and the most merciful...etc
Ikrar yang sama yang diucapkan semua sekolah Islam....tapi janjinya itu loh.
I'M A HONEST AND HONORABLE PERSON, SAYA ADALAH ORANG JUJUR DAN TERHORMAT.
Saya menangis mengingat kalimat ini...sudahkah saya menjadi orang yang jujur dan terhormat????
Mungkin saya jujur tapi apakah saya sudah terhormat. Terhormat dalam arti sebenarnya, bahwa menjadi orang yang pantas untuk dihormati, dihargai.
Allah SWT benar-benar baik, Tugasku mengajak saya untuk ikut dalam kegiatan sahur on the road....thanks Pak Bahri untuk slalu mengajak saya dalam kegiatan Tugasku. Thanks buat Bu Sri,Bu Darmi yang mengijinkan saya tetap bergabung dan buat anak-anak Tugasku yang slalu setia memanggil saya mae dan mengatakan kapan balik mengajar Bu?
cie cie...brarti saya slalu di hati mereka kan.
Dikenalkan dengan anak-anak kelas tujuh yang baru, rasanya menyenangkan. Apalgi dinyanyiin Gavin lagu 'sepeda'....dan sudah dikasih arah pulang.
Sepertinya saya harus satu hari full ada di Tugasku untuk observasi dan mengajar, tidak cuma hanya setengah hari saja ke Tugasku...ide bagus :)
Its not time to cry again why I can't teach, but its time to teach again in my time right now, if I good to manage my time, I still can teach. Cry doesn't solve problem, so face the problem and solve it.
Saya percaya bila saya mengatur waktu dengan baik, saya bisa mengajar lagi. AMIN.
MAN JADDA WAJADA, niat saya baik ya Allah, jadi saya yakin Allah pasti mengabulkannya dan memberikan yang terbaik untuk saya. Amin.
Dan siangnya, saya sangat bahagia sekali karena saya baru saja bertemu murid-muridku dan akan ikut sahur on the road bersama anak-anak.
Lalu apa hubungannya dengan surat Ar Rahman...???
Ada arti ayat di surat Ar Rahman, 'Lalu nikmat Allah manakah yang kamu ingkari?'
Setelah pulang dari Tugasku, aku menyadari betapa beruntungnya saya.
Apalagi saat sahur on the road di Panti asuhan Darul Aitam Al Khariyah dan daerah pinggiran di semper, Jakut....saya makin menyadari betapa aku sangat beruntung, saking beruntungnya, saya tidak bisa menghitung nikmat Allah SWT. Mari membandingkan keberuntungan yang saya miliki dgn apa yang dimiliki anak-anak panti.
1. saya memiliki orang tua....saya lahir memiliki orang tua, dimana saya tidak perlu khawatir, ada orang tua yang menjaga saya......anak-anak yg di panti????mereka tidak merasakan betapa senang dicium dan dimanja ayah ibu
2. Anak - anak yatim itu belum tentu bisa melanjutkan sekolah sampai lulus kuliah, apakah mereka memiliki masa depan??? yakinkah dan beranikah mereka bercita-cita tinggi, ya Allah SWT, saya malu.
3. Ketika anak-anak yatim itu terkantuk-kantuk mendengarkan dan menyambut kami, saya biasanya bangun sahur, semua sudah siap. Mereka harus menunggu, sedangkan saya ditunggu.
4. Ketika di pinggiran Semper, banyak orang berebut hanya untuk mendapatkan paket KFC, saya dengan mudah membeli paket itu....saya malu.
Untung saya sudah sakit kepala dari rumah, jadi untuk masalah nangis di taksi saat pulang dari sahur on the road, bisa ditahan,
kenapa ????
karena untuk mencari taksi pada dini hari pukul 4.12 AM, saya membangunkan supir taksi. ternyata untuk mencari nafkah, ada orang yang harus tidur dalam taksi.....bahkan saat sotr melewati pasar, banyak penjual-penjual sayur sudah berjualan....disaat saya kadang-kadang masih tidur....maka mungkin surat Ar Rahman itu mengingatkan saya, maka nikmat Allah manakah, yang saya belum syukuri???? banyak ya Allah. Thanks to open my eyes, ya Allah SWT. Thanks to guide me and always hold my hand.
Dan disaat-saat sakit kepala dari rumah menuju sekolah Tugasku, lalu diajak nonton film horor di aula bareng anak-anak, masih terselip nikmat, maaf bukan terselip tapi banyak nikmat yang Allah berikan pada saya. Bayangkan disaat sakit kepala, saya teriak-teriak bareng murid-murid. masih bisa untuk teriak-teriak dan menertawakan muka anak-anak yg ditutupi bila hantunya muncul, serta tertawa ngakak saat lihat Pryo marah sama Pak Jay, karena ditakut-takutin Pak Jay...ha ha :D
Di saat tidur, murid-muridku berisik, membuat saya tidur tapi masih mendengar suara mereka, seakan kata-kata mereka adalah nyanyian indah....dan yang lebih lucu melihat anak-anak OSIS yang dulunya masih kelas satu (saat saya pernah jadi wali kelas mereka, membayangkan jaman dulu saat saya harus menemani tidur bersama mereka....sebel saat itu, tp mereka tendanya basah dan kedinginan, jadi mereka menumpang tidur bersama dan saat melihat mereka tidur, hati ini senang sekali. meskipun saat itu kami tidur di tenda dapur umum yg terbuka dan sebelah kami panci dan kompor...but I love you, my students. Meski saya jadi tidak bisa tidur, karena menemani mereka tidur dan menunggu demam mereka turun. lega melihat mereka tertawa dan sehat kembali), sekarang, seperti saat ini,lega melihat mereka tumbuh dewasa dan lebih tinggi daripada saya, lebih cerewet daripadaku....ya Allah, saya bersyukur padaMu. Ya Allah, terima kasih telah memberiku kesempatan mendidik anak-anak Tugasku.
Benar kata Allah SWT, sisihkan sebagian hartamu untuk yang berhak...dulu saya membagi ilmuku pada murid-muridku, sekarang mari berbagi yg kita miliki kepada kaum yang berhak. dan pepatah berkata....kebahagiaan itu bukan terletak pada berapa banyak harta yang kita miliki, tapi terletak pada seberapa banyak yang bisa kita bagi kepada orang lain, jadi Ya Allah SWT, terima kasih telah mengijinkanku untuk dapat berbagi dgn yang membutuhkan yang ada disekitarku. Terima kasih telah menunjukkanku untuk ikut SOTR Tugasku. he he, lagian saya masih bisa berbagi ilmu dengan murid-muridku.
So, I LOVE YOU MORE, ALLAH.

Ramadhan and flag ceremony

Last year, in first day of Ramadhan, usually I got holiday...now, i am still working.
Usually i pray dhuha and read Al Qur'an together with my students but now, I can't.
I start my ramadhan with all of beautiful memory of my students play in my head. I am not join with my students in ramadhan retreat with 'sahabat rekan sebaya', i miss to see my students make a line just to eat, i miss to help them, i miss to hear their voice.....but i learn to forget it. I always believe if my destiny to back to teach my students...I will back to teach again.
I believe what Allah SWT give to me is the best.
Usually, I got holiday longer than now, usually I can cook and prepare food to eat at maghrib time.
i miss all of my activity....but I can't complain anymore.
Because all that I get right now, also beautiful and have another memory even i don't like.
But I just remember what Allah SWT give to me is the best even i don't like it because Allah SWT know what the best for me :)
Last year I did flag ceremony in Tugasku with so many excited feeling because we have so many competition.
this year, I also did flag ceremony in my new office at august 17, 2011 using kopri clothes.
its so funny, because the clothes almost we (me and my family) give to somebody....who want to use kopri clothes at 2009????
at that time no one in my family have been government employee, we want to give it to somebody, so we just keep it until we find the right person.
The kopri clothes is belongs to my mother. My lovely mother who already passed away in 2009.
Its just destiny that I use the same clothes with my mother, of course I have to fix the clothes, but when i go to flag ceremony, I am excited to use my mother clothes, not to join the ceremony....I don't care the ceremony, the money, what I care is I use my mother clothes. Thats the important thing.
And about tarawih....its worse, I go home late just like another day, sometime i can't pray tarawih in mosque, just at home...its okay...as long i pray...its okay....hmmmm......I have to be grateful because I still can pray tarawih. Amin.

Saturday night at Medan Great Mosque

Today, I go to Medan with my colleagues. My head say,'lets go walk to see Medan'. Unfortunately, arrive in Medan, I already join meeting with quality assurance team. As usual my job is typing everything in the meeting. Ooooooo, I didn't go again, i want to complain, but i know its useless to complain. I am pretty sure, I can go to see Medan, i believe it, and......Allah SWT (God) always listening me....(He, the one who always accompany me, I definitely sure about it), so, I don't what happen with me, i just sure that i have to pray tarawih in the mosque...hello, you are in Medan, so lets see about Ramadhan culture in Medan. But aroud Aryaduta Hotel, there's no mosque to pray tarawih, so my mind say,'lets go to Medan great mosque, you can see so many thing there'.
The security guard said that Medan Great Mosque is around 3 km and very far, i never mind, i just want to pray, I take 'becak' a motorcycle with space for passenger. I was late for Isya pray. I come when Isya pray already finish, so I pray Isya first.
Alhamdulillah, Thanks God,the Imam (leader of pray) looks like waiting for me....he he he :) so I can join tarawih. Yes..;)
The Imam voice is very good, I don't care if tarawih take a long time, i just enjoy it. the mosque is very good. I love this day, Allah SWT. I take some picture of the mosque. its very beautiful, and there is bazar beside the mosque, so after pray, i bought 'sate padang'. and then go home by becak again. i saw so many thing at this night. I don't care i enjoy this night by myself,i just feel that Allah SWT love me thats why He give me clue to go to Medan Great Mosque, so i can see Medan city at night.
And at Medan great mosque, so many people pray and eat together. Wow, I like it. even my cellphone is hang, but i am happy...maybe its another clue for me to buy new cellphone he he :)
I LOVE YOU, ALLAH SWT. I LOVE YOU, if i forget to tell You, how much I LOVE YOU, now I am telling the world, I LOVE YOU, ALLAH SWT.

Kaka bertanya,'penjahatnya mana?'

Kaka, keponakanku tersayang, saat ini menyukai super hero, superman, batman, ultraman, spiderman dll, yg penting ada monster dan orang baiknya....sip sip, nggak apa-apa, kan anak laki-laki, lagipula dia juga mengemari mickey mouse dan semua yg ada di channel disney junior.
Lalu apa yg aneh? yang aneh adalah saat kami sekeluarga menonton sepakbola, tiba-tiba Kaka bertanya, 'Eyang, penjahatnya yang mana?'...ha ha ha, kami semua tertawa, mama Kaka dgn sigap berkata, 'ini sepakbola sayang, jadi adik pilih yang warna apa yang dijagokan' oke, cukup terdiam.
Nah, Tita Erlin lihat drama Korea berlatar belakang kerajaan, Kaka bertanya,' Tante, penjahatnya yang mana?' .......wua wua wua wua...si Tante cuma tertawa ngakak, sambil bilang,'tidak ada penjahatnya tuh.'
lalu di sore yg indah ini, Kamis, 11 Agustus 2011, tumben si Tante pulang cepat jam 5 kurang sudah sampai rumah....ada kejadian lucu lagi, sepupu, Vino, yang masih 5 tahun telepon, dan ngobrol sama Kaka yang berumur 2 tahun, bayangkan???????? si tante cuma tertawa melihat dan mendengar gaya Kaka menelpon dan berbicara tentang superhero....ha ha ha :D.
Tante Erlin lalu bertanya ke Vino, 'dik Kaka bilang apa saja sama dik Vino?' dan Vino menjawab lebih ngaco lagi alias tidak nyambung dengan yg Kaka omongin, karena Vino bilang Kaka cerita ttg es buah buat berbuka puasa...jiah....nggak nyambung sama sekali....ha ha ha :D

my experience on tuesday and wednesday this week

right now, I wish my colleagues don't read my blog..he he :)
Three days ago, on monday and tuesday I went to Semarang. I went with my colleagues for quality assurance training/workshop.
We have usual agenda, nothing special...but after the training is over, thats began my experience. I ask Mr Gentur kindness so he allow me to join with him to go back to Jogjakarta, and he is so nice to give me ride with his car. God know how nice he is, because he told me that he also gave ride his neighbor, a couple husband and wife who already old (grandpa and grandma).
He also put my bag very carefully.
He said, that the car will be little bit hot because his neighbor can't stand of cold..but i am happy, because i don't like air conditioner too.
What I see the next was surprised me, the car ran so slow because his neighbor is old and can't stand a lot of night wind.
He is so patient to talk with them softly even I know Mr Gentur was tired.
Oh my God, I shame because at that time, I know that maybe I almost forget to be patient...I always complain to Allah SWT.
When I still be teacher, I patient to handle my students. I know, right now, i'm not patient. I become hurry person...work here, make me hurry, careless, like other person here. This experience teach me to back be patient person...how nice Allah SWT.
And Mr Gentur gave ride until my uncle house..see how nice he is.
Dear Allah SWT, just You the one who can give back His Kindness to Mr Gentur.
Then on wednesday, I was planning to met my sister but she have another appointment with her friend, and I was waiting for one hour. I was angry but I realize that I have to be patient, God doesn't always grant my wish. I have to learn first.
Learn to be patient just like when i be teacher. I promise to Allah SWT that I never be change, I will be myself and this experience teach me to back to be myself.
Thanks to Allah SWT. I promise to be myself, a patient person.
Beside, i remember what Mr Gentur said in the workshop, 'Pearl is always shining everywhere'.
So, its mean I can be shine/sparkling everywhere he he :) everyone is pearl, right, just if they are good person.
Do we a pearl or just fake diamond?
I be myself who honest, like a child and patient person, what ever people said to me.

back to reality

Dear my blog

I feel like a year, I didn't write in my blog.
I just focus on my jobs...I forget what my dream. sometime is okay if I focus on my jobs, but i just feel guilty if i have jobs but I can't finish my jobs. Thats my responsibility to finish my jobs.
I just remember what Nico said to me,'you have to write and make paper for everything you have done'.
Yes, Mr Nico, I do it...I DO IT.....thanks to support me Nico.
and i still remember that i promise to you, someday i send you a ticket to japan, we meet in japan.
pray for me, Nico, so i can fulfill my promise to you.
I have to back to reality..i have to work hard.
I promise to you allah SWT, I try to be sahibul lail. teach me Allah, and please guide me to be better person. amin.
Love you Allah. lets back work and try to make an essay (try one essay) okay.
I promise Allah.

Selfish person

Baru kali ini saya benar-benar membenci orang.....saya benci dengan orang yang sangat egois, dengan memanfaatkan ketidakmampuannya untuk menyuruh orang bekerja....saya tidak tahu apakah orang-orang itu punya hati, saya hanya berdoa biar Allah saja yang membalasnya....bukan saya menyumpahi, bagaimana bisa orang-orang pergi jalan-jalan, belanja, sedangkan saya bekerja....mereka mungkin lupa bahwa Allah Maha Melihat. Aku BENCI orang-orang itu, aku benci.....SEUMUR HIDUPKU AKU TIDAK MEMAAFKAN MEREKA...AKU BENCI MEREKA

'Sigh', cry, then Allah SWT remind me. Thanks Allah...I love YOU

Today, after yesterday, I still wondering if i get legal or illegal money, do I deserve get the money? While I still confuse and heard so many advise...I cry when I pray until my eyes red....but Dear Allah SWT...You know the best answer, You the owner of everything, You the one who know, what must I do.
Dear God, I hold You so tight, I rely on You, I depend on You.
I ask You, God, how I can solve my problems?
God, I shame to You, You know exactly that actually i know the best answer of my problems.
God, I don't find justification about what I do, I just ask Your help to avoid the bad things.
You know I have to face the reality, 'the habit' that I don't like at all.
Please teach me to accept what I have now, i have to let go my imagination and be brave to face the reality..
Ya Allah SWT, I know I have to learn to be patient, I am afraid now, God, about my principle, myself.
I am afraid, I will be lose myself. It is not about I don't want to change, i just afraid I'm not in Your way anymore.
Hold me, God..help me, guide me always to Your way.
Today, I heard 'the thing' that I try to avoid it and i get 'the thing'.........I cry, I ask You, Allah SWT, please tell me,what must I do????
This evening, while I cry to You, to ask Your help...I think maybe I just pretend I'm okay, I'll be fine but I'm not.
But.....Allah SWT know the best, right? when I went home with Bu Hasmi and stop to waiting public transit...I saw a poor family......I almost cry....Allah remind me and also give best answer...Thanks Allah SWT.
They collect garbage plastic, they are father, mother and three kids with wood cart....Ya Allah SWT, please forgive me....they just passing by, and the mother smile to me...I smile to her and she said,'thanks beautiful girl', I cry...and i realize I get my answer.
THANKS ALLAH SWT for always beside me.

Sincerely, this is for You, Allah SWT.

Holiday

If I still be teacher right now, I enjoy my day because now is holiday time at school.
I will wake up late, having fun all of day, watching television and cooking everyday..:)
Right now, it just a dream, but I believe someday I also enjoy my day, because I realize how precious my life.
I grateful with everything I have right now, because I learn to let go what is not belongs to me anymore, including money thats not belong to me.
I don't care what people say, I live with my own way, as long as I don't hurt people and I am still in Allah SWT way is okay.
Dear God, thanks to teach me.
So, let me think me, what must i do in holiday time ( i don't get holiday time) but just pretend i get holiday time, hmmm....i go to book fair, buy a lot of books, read all of books that i buy, buy merchandise to my cousin, watch movies with my cousin, go to klaten, eat so many foods so my weight will be up, make my nephew laugh and angry.
So, lets celebrate summer holiday.....yeahhh....:)
How about next sunday, I make cupcake for Kaka...good idea... Lets do it.

today..hiks..hiks :(

I met Disya today, she is one of my students in Tugasku. She is from third generation. She's the one say hello to me, she was surprised met me, because she ask me,' what are you doing here, mam?'
I felt i want to cry immediately but i realized thats so childish...:(
and when i did something tonight in my office, Putra chat with me, he asking me, if i will go to inauguration.
I said maybe I can't, and he said 'ahh cupu', I want to come, I miss my students, I miss my friends, maybe I selfish today, but I want to laugh with them.
Be patient, God know what the best for me.
I learn to be patient here, more than when i was in Tugasku school. so funny and ironic.
Even today I lost my meeting note, my computer hang, and I can't skype with Dinda...ARRGHHHHHHH.
TODAY....WHAT HAPPEN WITH ME??? WHAT ON THE EARTH????

Need more than 24 hours

Dear myself

I feel need more than 24 hours. Really???
or I am not good to manage my time.
Oh my God.
Be patient.

Sore of my body

Today, actually since yesterday, my body feel sore until now....God.
I think my body feel sore because everyday I have to bring laptop to my office...hmmm.
Not in Tugasku, not here, I have to bring my own laptop....fuih.
Okay, I have to be patient. I work just for you Allah SWT. I bring this laptop also just for you Allah SWT.

March 25, 2011

Today, on friday.....Tugasku teacher get their salary..usually I love this day.
And until now, i still love date 25, even I get my salary not on 25 anymore. Lovely day because march 25 is almost weekend.
tomorrow is weekend, I meet my students again....Do they miss me?? Don't know.

Latihan sabar

Kenapa jadi orang sabar itu susah? Karena butuh perilaku dan kelapangan dada untuk melakukan kesabaran.
Wajah saya tidak bisa menyembunyikan ketidaksabaran saya.
Apabila saya sudah bosan dengan suatu hal, raut muka saya berubah lelah. Memang perilaku saya tidak menunjukkan ketidaksabaran, tapi raut muka saya dapat terlihat bahwa saya bosan.
Jadi saya harap dalam sebuah pertemuan yang kadang-kadang membosankan, saya berharap sekali tidak ada yang memperhatikan saya, karena saya takut nanti saya mengecewakan orang-orang yang telah mengadakan pertemuan.
Saya ingat sekali bagaimana sahabat saya Nico, Dinda dan Rene langsung dapat membaca raut muka dan body language saya bila saya sudah bosan. Meskipun kadang-kadang saya sedih, bagaimana ketiga orang tersebut bisa mengenali saya dengan baik, padahal mereka hanya mengenal saya selama 5 bulan, sedangkan teman-teman saya yang telah bertahun-tahun bersahabat dengan saya tidak dapat mengenal saya dengan baik.
Saya selalu berusaha jadi pendengar yang baik (orang kan maunya didengarkan kata-katanya dan diperhatikan, tapi belum tentu mau mendengarkan cerita orang lain kan, jadi saya mengerti kondisi ini, sehingga saya lebih senang jadi pendengar.
Dan saya amat berharap sekali, saat saya mendengarkan cerita orang, wajah saya tidak berubah dan menunjukkan kebosanan...he he :), karena kadang2 bosan loh mendengarkan cerita orang2 terus menerus. Untung slalu ingat bahwa orang sabar disayang Tuhan. sip....intinya saya berharap wajah saya tidak menunjukkan rasa bosan.....Cobalah untuk tersenyum.
Semangat Erlin.....SEMANGAT. Meskipun saat ini rasa bosan menyergap, yuk lakukan kegiatan yang disenangi.
Seperti menulis blog.

Why to be patient is very difficult? Because to be patient are need good attitude and big heart.
My face can't hide my impatient. if I feel bored, my face show that I am boring NOW....OOOO, Oh No.
Of course my attitude still polite, but my face is worse.
So, i hope in some of meeting that I feel are so bored, I hope no one pay attention to me, because I am afraid somebody will be disappoint. I still remember how my best friends; Nico, Dinda and Rene know my face and my body language if I am sad.
It is make me more sad because they just know me for 5 months more than my other friends whose know me for a years. how can be like that.
I try to be a good listener because I know that people want to be heard not to be listener. And i really hope, when some people said something story that very bored, I wish my face not show bored face....he he :) even though sometime I bored to hear what people said. Thanks to God, I always remember that God love patient people. Ok...the point is i hope my face not show bored face....Now, I try to smile everything I feel bored.
Go Erlin...Go. Even now I am bored, I try to smile and do interesting activity like write this blog.
(March 19, 2011 in the afternoon while I was still in workshop)

March 21, 2011.
I remind last saturday night on March 19, 2011, me and my friends decided to went home after the workshop finished.
The workshop was finish at 9 pm. Four people (me, Pak Gondo, bu Ani and Pak Wahyu) went home to Jakarta from Bogor using bus....BUS. I remember last year I also went to New York in the middle of midnight and morning using bus from airport. It was 12 am, and I went to the place that I never came before....and I just believe to God that I'll okay.
Just like last year, I confidence to went home to Jakarta at night even that was the first time I did it.
The differences my experience to New York compare with my experience from Bogor to Jakarta is Pak Wahyu know the route, while when I went to new york, I was confidence asked people in the street at midnight...ckckckck its means I was not sure I know the route :D. The bus stop in Kampung Rambutan terminal and that was my first time to enter Kp Rambutan terminal (how worse I am, I went abroad but i still don't know every details in Jakarta ha ha ha :D)
That night, I was smile and said to myself, yeahhhh I have same experience like my experience last year; traveling.
I am waiting now, what God will give to me...can I get another experience to go to another place? just like I went to LA, Las Vegas, Boston and New York. Or, will I get new friends like Nico, Rene, Dinda again?
Hmm..I am exciting now :)

Nonton Medicine Men...surat Al Maidah ayat 96 dan kerjasama

Tadi malam saya menonton Medicine Men Go Wild: Hearts di BBC Knowledge jam 19.00 - 20.05 WIB. Acara itu adalah tentang 2 dokter kembar identik yang pergi jalan-jalan keliling dunia tapi sambil meneliti. Tadi malam 2 dokter dari Inggris, Xand dan Chris van Tulleken (semoga benar nulis nama keluarganya) pergi ke daerah Arktik. Mereka menginap di suku Chukotka. Dimana di daerah Chukotka, tidak ditemukan penyakit jantung. Dan kedua dokter tersebut ingin meneliti, mengapa bisa seperti itu.
Di tempat yang dingin ini, mereka berdua melakukan percobaan dimana salah satu dari si kembar, Xand, melakukan diet makanan modern (memakan makanan biasa seperti yang kita makan sehari-hari) sedangkan Chris, melakukan diet makanan laut (alias hanya memakan makanan laut seperti orang-orang di suku Chukotka). Semoga tidak terbalik ya, yg mana Chris dan yang mana Xand.
Apa yang menarik dari acara selama 1 jam itu? Yang menarik adalah penelitian yang dilakukan kedua dokter tersebut sama dengan yang ditulis di Al Qur'an surat Al Maidah ayat 96, ini sebagian artinya ,"dihalalkan bagimu binatang buruan laut dan makanan (yang berasal) dari laut sebagai makanan yang lezat bagimu...dst".
Kenapa semua makanan dari laut halal? Kata teori, ikan mengandung omega 3 dan tidak mengandung kolesterol serta baik untuk jantung. Dan apa yang dilakukan kedua dokter itu hanya membuktikan ayat tersebut (meskipun niat kedua dokter tersebut adalah menunjukkan bahwa ikan itu sehat bukan untuk membuktikan bahwa Al Qur'an itu benar).
Setelah 10 hari hanya memakan ikan, Chris memiliki hasil kolesterol yg lebih baik dibanding Xand yang kadar kolesterolnya memburuk. Dan kedua dokter tersebut mengatakan ikan memiliki kandungan protein omega 3 yang lebih baik bahkan tidak bisa ditandingi oleh hewan darat...Nah loh, berarti bahwa semua makanan dari laut itu halal benar.
Saya yakin beberapa orang pasti sudah pernah melakukan percobaan ini, tapi adakah penelitian kita mengutip dari Al Qur'an?
Ketika saya menonton tayangan ini, melihat bagaimana Chris setiap hari memakan ikan dan Xand bisa memakan roti, sosis, telur; lalu mereka berdua mengatakan bagaimana suku Chukotka yang hidup di tanah yang sukar (daerah Arktik yang sangat dingin) bisa berumur panjang dan kadar kolesterolnya rendah, karena suku di Chukotka memakan makanan laut.
Suku Churki memburu ikan, beruang laut dan paus. Dan saya salut dengan suku di Chukotka yang juga tidak berlebihan dalam memburu ikan dan binatang laut lainnya, serta kerjasama pada suku di Chukotka ini patut diacungi jempol. Suku Chukotka hanya cukup membutuhkan 2 paus dalam 1 tahun. Paus yang ditangkap akan dibagikan dagingnya untuk seluruh penduduk suku Chukotka, tidak boleh diperjualbelikan dan cukup untuk menghidupi suku ini selama 2,5 - 3 bulan. Jadi paus diburu untuk persediaan makanan selama musim dingin.
Bandingkan dengan perikanan modern yang rakus memburu ikan sepanjang tahun sehingga membuat persediaan ikan mulai menipis. Seharusnya para pencinta binatang tidak boleh menentang apa yang dilakukan oleh suku Chukotka. Emangnya para pencinta binatang mau apa menghidupi seluruh penduduk suku Chukotka selama musim dingin? Sama dengan yang dilakukan oleh penduduk Lamamera NTT yang juga berburu paus. Penduduk Lamamera kan berburu paus tidak setiap hari, mereka juga membagikan daging paus untuk seluruh penduduk desa, bukan untuk diperjual belikan.
Ketika kerjasama digalakkan dan hasilnya dibagikan untuk seluruh penduduk desa, terlihat bagus, dibandingkan kita yang saling sikut untuk mencapai yang terbaik..., saling sikut malah memperlihatkan bahwa kitalah yang akan jadi orang jahat..???? betul kan?
Intinya, mari yuk kita teliti Al Qur'an; ternyata Al Qur'an itu mengajarkan banyak hal baik bagi kita, jangan sampai orang Baratlah yang membuktikan bahwa Al Qur'an itu benar...Malu ah, umat Islam kok tidak berpegang pada Al Qur'an. Oke.

Rumput tetangga

Biasanya rumput tetangga terlihat lebih hijau dibandingkan rumput milik kita sendiri (kata peribahasa).... Maksudnya apa yang dimiliki oleh orang lain terlihat lebih bagus dibandingkan milik kita sendiri.
Karena di rumah tidak menanam rumput, tentu saja rumput tetangga terlihat lebih hijau ya? he he :)
Sayangnya juga, tetangga-tetangga saya juga tidak ada yang menanam rumput..hua hua :D, jadi memang tidak ada rumput disekitar rumah saya. Sudah pada dibeton atau memang sudah ditanami tanaman lain, seperti di rumah saya, sudah penuh dengan tanaman asoka dan pohon palem, makanya nggak menanam rumput.
Tapi tetap saja ya,kelihatannya rumah orang lebih menarik dibanding rumah kita sendiri.
Saat ini saya sedang bingung menentukan pilihan, untuk tetap memberikan les privat atau berhenti ya?
Loh, ini apa hubungannya sama 'rumput tetangga'?
Masalahnya, sekarang waktu saya banyak tersita di kantor dan dijalan, saya tidak bisa lagi menyalurkan hobi saya tidur di bus (wong jarang dapat tempat duduk di bus) dan sayangnya saya juga baru menyadari betapa egoisnya orang2 (selama ini saya tidur kale ya), bayangin saya sering melihat ibu hamil maupun ibu yang bawa anak berdiri di bus, tapi tidak satupun yang memberikan tempat duduk. Duh tega banget ya orang2. Karena saya juga berdiri, jadi saya pun tidak bisa membantu.
Nah, dalam keadaan seperti ini, sering saya iri dengan orang2 yang bisa naik mobil sendiri (duh rumput tetangga bener2 lebih hijau deh). Saya iri karena mereka bisa tidur dengan tenang di mobilnya (bagi yang punya supir ya).
Dulu waktu masih berangkat naik metromini 45 dan 47, orang2 itu masih ramah, memberikan tempat duduk ke ibu2 (meskipun sekali saya melihat ada orang hamil juga dicuekin di metromini 45). Sekarang berangkat ke kantor menuju Gatot Subroto dan jalan jenderal sudirman, yang katanya notabene tempat perkantoran elit yang keren, tapi orang2nya egois, tidak mau berbagi. Saya tahu tidak semua orang2 yang bekerja di daerah elit sudirman dan gatot subroto seperti itu (kan saya termasuk bukan orang egois..he he :), bukan muji diri sendiri loh, karena kl brangkat kadang2 saya berpikir, buat apa dapat tempat duduk, toh ujung2nya nanti saya berikan tempat duduk saya ke orang lain).
Saya hanya merasa 'iri' ingin kembali merasakan kenyamanan berangkat kerja ke arah pulomas lagi.
Termasuk dalam rangka memberikan les privat dimalam hari. Saya 'iri' ingin kembali bisa memberi les jam 5, tidak seperti sekarang dimana saya memberi les sekitar jam 7.30 atau 8 malam, sehingga saya pulang ke rumah sudah larut malam, padahal tetap saya harus bangun pagi untuk berangkat kerja lagi.
Saya sedang bertanya pada diri saya sendiri, apa sih yang saya cari? Apa sih sebenarnya yang saya lakukan?
Saya 'iri' dengan diri saya yang dulu lagi. Kalau saya ingin menangis, karena saya merasa lelah pulang pada jam 9 malam setelah memberi les, tiba-tiba Allah SWT menunjukkan saya tukang mie/nasi goreng keliling yang membawa gerobaknya dan harus berkeliling pada malam hari dan Allah SWT lebih banyak lagi memperlihatkan kepada saya, orang2 yang mulai bekerja pada malam hari untuk mencari sesuap nasi dengan hasil yang tak seberapa dibandingkan hasil yang saya peroleh.
Saya malu untuk mengeluh pada Allah SWT. Saya malu sekali. Tapi saya bingung, karena saya tidak pernah sekalipun membayangkan memberi les pada malam hari, pulang kerja setelah maghrib. Tidak pernah sekalipun saya membayangkan hidup saya seperti ini. Sepi.
Yang dulu hidup saya penuh dengan canda tawa murid-murid, sekarang sepi sekali. Bicara tidak boleh keras, harus berbisik-bisik seperti akan menggosipkan orang, padahal cuma buat ngobrol saja.
Dulu saya marah sekalipun dengan murid, itu hanya di kelas agar murid-murid saya disiplin dan mendengarkan saya, tetapi di luar kelas, saya pasti tertawa dan bercanda dengan murid - murid saya.
Rasanya sepi sekali, berangkat kerja pun saya melihat orang-orang dalam keadaan terburu-buru, tidak tenang.
Saya 'iri' dengan hal-hal kecil yang dulu sering saya alami. Saya tahu, saya tidak boleh mengeluh. Banyak sekali orang ingin pekerjaan saya, dan hampir semua orang bilang saya beruntung. Tetapi saya saat ini merasa hampa.
Meskipun banyak hal yang harus saya pelajari saat ini, jujur saya merasa biasa saja. Saya sudah menaruh hati dan semangat untuk bekerja, tapi saat ini saya tidak merasa semangat.
Kenapa? karena saya tahu saya harus melepas keinginan untuk mengajar lagi?
Waktu sudah tidak berpihak pada saya lagi. Pulang malam dari kantor dan keadaan jalanan di jakarta yang tidak ramah membuat saya harus memutuskan untuk tidak memberi les lagi. Bukan saya sedih karena uang les yang akan melayang, bukan, karena jujur uang les itu tidak sebanding dengan pengeluaran saya. Uang les itu hanya habis di ongkos, bahkan saya kadang2 malah harus nombok, karena saya harus beli makanan di jalan dan naik ojek yang justru jadi lebih mahal.
Saya benar-benar harus mengurangi beberapa hal yang saya suka, termasuk membaca buku, sudah tidak ada waktu lagi membaca buku, pekerjaan banyak sekali (pekerjaan yang saya tidak mengerti).
Saya bingung, apakah ini hukuman buat saya?? Saya merasa saya tidak pernah mengeluh waktu bekerja di sekolah (maklum saya selalu memanfaatkan waktu, bila diminta pulang jam 4, saya malah lebih dari jam 4 sore baru pulang dati sekolah, karena sibuk memberi les; bila tidak ada yang les, ya mengobrol dengan murid-murid dan guru-guru sekalian baca buku).
Saya merasa saya tidak boleh mencintai sesuatu secara berlebihan oleh Allah SWT. Saya mencintai dan suka sekali mengajar anak-anak, sekarang saya tidak bisa melakukannya lagi. Saya seperti diingatkan oleh Allah SWT, bahwa hanya Allah SWT saja yang boleh dicintai. Salahkah saya bila saat ini komplain dan merasa rumput tetangga lebih hijau?
Apakah mencintai pekerjaan mengajar, salah? Orang-orang akan bilang salah sendiri melamar menjadi pns.
Saya akui saya salah. Saya melamar menjadi pns bukan untuk menjadi pns, tapi mencari jodoh, wong saya yakin sekali tidak bakal diterima menjadi pns. Saya tidak berniat menjadi pns.
Tapi apa yang harus saya lakukan, karena ayah saya ingin saya menjadi pns. Orang tua saya tinggal ayah saya saja. Saya ingin membahagiakan ayah saya, karena saya merasa saya belum sempat membuat ibu saya bahagia, jadi saya ingin ayah saya merasa tenang bila saya menjadi pns. Saya ingin sekali ayah saya bahagia dan tenang. Saya ingin ayah saya tidak perlu khawatir memikirkan saya.
Ternyata cita-cita/keinginan kita kadang-kadang tidak sesuai dengan kenyataan.
Rumput tetangga oh rumput tetangga, saya merasa 'iri' saat ini dengan waktu....dengan semangat. Saya merasa kehilangan semangat, waktu.
Semoga dengan seiringnya waktu berlalu, saya dapat memahami apa saya berusaha capai dan lakukan saat ini.
Mungkin saya harus melupakan apa yang pernah saya lakukan, tidak boleh membandingkan lagi antara pekerjaan yang dulu dan sekarang.
Saya merasa hal ini amat susah saya lakukan, bahkan impossible saya lakukan, tapi saya berusaha tidak membandingkan lagi pekerjaan yang dulu dan sekarang, membandingkan waktu yang sepertinya sudah tidak sepihak lagi dengan saya.
Saya yakin Allah SWT bersama saya selamanya dan memberi petunjuk untuk saya dalam menjalani hidup.
Toh, saya bekerja juga untuk yang di Atas kan? hanya untuk Allah SWT saya bekerja, karena saya begitu mencintai-NYA, sehingga saya sanggup membuat ayah saya bahagia. Amin.
Saya yakin padaMu Ya ALLAH. Maafkan hamba-MU, yang terlalu sering komplain ini....he he :).

Mae and Bue

Who is Mae? She is teacher in Tugasku.
And who is Bu E? She is also teacher in Tugasku. Mae and Bu E is the same person. The students call Mae or Bu E to Erlin Puspaputri.
What subject does she teach? Hmm, she teach science (biology, chemistry and physics) but sometime she can teach math.
Is she explain the lessons clearly? Ask her students, okay :).....he he.
Where is Mae now? Where is Bu E now?
Well, she go....but she feel miss Mae and Bu E.
She miss become Mae and Bu E...he he :)
No one call me Mae or Bu E again :(

My salary

yuhuu, I got my salary before I went home today...:)
Thanks to Allah SWT. Alhamdulillah.
Hmmm, from my office, I went straight to Tugasku school for gave tutoring to Barata.
And yes, alhamdulillah again, I ride trans jakarta bus and I can sit.
Happy happy day.

Pimple (jerawat) and 'magic letter'

Hi, everyone, can you see my pimple? I have one pimple in right cheek...:(
Is this because until now I don't get my salary? or ....I get stress....may I don't enjoy my job now??? or ...I too busy to clean my face???
wkwkwkwk :D, if I still work in Tugasku, my students will tease me....I miss laugh of my students.
Last friday, I got new information (actually new gossip) hmmm, well, I heard that some honorary employee in DIKTI wasn't accepted to be a government employee (PNS), why???
For first test, DIKTI hired a company. This step for avoid collusion in DIKTI.
If you pass the first test, for the next test is more easy, because in this step, DIKTI employee whose given the test, if you have 'power letter' or 'magic letter', you know what I mean, right?
If you bring 'power letter', it is easy for you for pass the test and you will be government employee.
But don't worry, if you very very clever, you can kick that 'magic letter',why?? If you are speak english very good, you have a lot of experience and your competitor just graduated this year, even he or she bring 'magic letter', you can defeat him/her.
Beside Allah SWT is the one and the only one give decision, right ;)
Okay, good luck for everybody whose want to test to be government employee. Success for you :)

Love
Erlin

Patient

Today, I learn about patient. Man sabara zafira, orang yang sabar akan beruntung (dari buku ranah 3 warna, pinjem ya Pak). Tapi saya bilang orang sabar memang beruntung, bukan cuma akan. So, people whose patient is people whose very lucky because Allah prepare big presents for patient people (I always said that to Dinda and Awee, and I remember Awee always laugh and said, yes Erlin, you are right, a big present is waiting for you; Awee said that for teasing me and make me happy; but really I am happy)
Maybe I am the one whose naive. In lunch time, I asked permission to go to BCA to pay indovision....Astaghfirullah, I met two people whose very rude and in hurry. Hey guys, you live in jakarta, which is in monday, you will meet a long line in the bank (what happen you?)
First person is very very rude. She spoke un politely with security. maybe she underestimate the security....(Ya Allah, You create all of people with same pride, what happen with this lady? you can't live if we don't have security) . I came after the lady, I just behind her. I saw the security spoke with other man, and the lady just ask immediately, where is to print the savings books? Of course the security can't answer. after finish talking with the man, the security ask the lady,'what do you want mam?' and the lady answer with high voice, 'next time listen if people said something!' maybe the eye of the lady has some trouble...he he he ;) She can't see that the security still speaking with other man...poor lady because the security and other man stand up in front of the lady, even I whose stand behind the lady can see what happen in that time. I said with very politely that I want to print my saving book and the security took my book. See, everything is fine if you are patient. :)
After finish print the book, the lady still said rude with the security when she asked about the cash deposit machine that still broken, and the security just ask pardon Mam (he asked the lady to said the question again) but the lady show angry face and just go...Astaghfirullah.
After that I paid my bills and I have to take line too, there is another lady behind me whose is very very in hurry, look angry because she said she has to do another things (next time lady, come in the early morning at 9 am, there is no line in atm, ck ck ck)....Ya Allah, the time is running away but I don't want time kill my patient.....ya Allah make me to be a good muslimah. amin.
I Love You, Allah. Please always remind me. Amin

Monday, Februari 28, 2011.

Money and salary

Usually yesterday in the evening I have received my salary. Now I am not yet received my salary, even one of my friends said that new employee will not get salary because new employee equal with honorary employee :(. so our salary????? hmm no one know it.
Am I complain? No, I can't complain. as long as I life, Allah SWT give blessing to me. So, let's live with my saving...hua hua :D. Lets laughing our condition (Mr. Jaya said, 'If We are hard to ourselves, the world are too easy for us'.)
My advise is never complain about your salary or your money because you don't know what will you get later...okay, remember what I said... ;)
Hmmmm, anyone can guess how much my salary?? I don't care how much my salary, I just try to enjoy my life now, I just try to love everything I do...(sigh) Oh God, why so difficult to make my parents happy without let go my dream? OH, I already complain again....Sorry God. Ya Allah Ya Robbi, please help me to fulfill my dreams and make my parents happy. YES. AMIN.
And, I have another question, anyone can guess when will I get my salary?...he he, can you guess it?
Money will come to you if you work hard...I hope not just only money come to me but also happiness come to me. YEAH... :D. AMIN
NB : Tomorrow, I have to teach my students. My students must come at 8 am, if they don't come at 8 am, I will go to Bara house, remember that my students...hi hi hi (giggling)
Thats my notes..will I add this notes? maybe.

I miss to teach

Lovely my new office...:) really??? This picture I took in my desk with the background is my boss (chief of Sub Director) office.
So, everyone can see that my desk exactly in front of my boss office. Wkwkwkwkwkwkwk......Allah SWT is very nice, remind me to work, not to play, right... :). Amin.
Move to new place/new job is very hard, especially if the new job is very very different with my last job. Teaching, I have been teaching for 7 years, and I think that is my life, even until now I think that I am still teaching. That's why I am still accept to give private tutoring to some students in Tugasku. I feel I can't let go my students...I feel jealous that I can't teach my students again...I feel so devastated. I always pray to Allah SWT that I hope I can still teaching even I work in DIKTI.
It is not about money or safety. Some people think that be a government employee is comfortable, because we get retired money, it is more safety etc. But for me, it is not about that reason.
My father want me to be a government employee which more safety. For this new job, I let go some of my plans/dreams.
And I feel very surprise with the new job in DIKTI . I feel not comfortable with the habit of time works. How can people start work at 9 am and go home at 7 pm or 9 pm? If you come in the morning and finish job from the beginning so you don't have go home late, right? but that's the habit here, why? Because in DIKTI, people have to make some rules for all of universities in Indonesia, so we have to invite lectures and discuss about the rules. We have to invite lectures (great lectures whose are very clever, concern about education, etc) from around Indonesia, so we have to waiting the lectures. They want to have meeting after they finish teach. They are good lectures, right? They are still thinking about their students. hmmmmm,......Allah SWT teach me again how to be patient.
Lot of things that I have to learn here, and I know it. I put my heart in this works so I can love this works, but my passion and my love for teaching is still in my mind.
So, I ask to my self, what activity actually that I want? but I remember, Allah SWT give the best for me, not what I want, because Allah SWT know what is the best for me sometimes not the ones I want.
I still remember how I want to get Japan scholarship but I failed and Allah SWT give other scholarship that was went to USA, thats the one better for me. And Allah SWT is right, Allah SWT give me good friends (a lot of good friends) and very wonderful memories. I learn a lot of things in USA.
I sent scholarship application to Australia last year but I failed and Allah SWT give me new job to be government employee that I know a lot of people want my new job....See how lucky I am and how very very GREAT ALLAH SWT. Amin.
I know how lucky I am..:) I am just greedy and want more from Allah SWT...Am I wrong? I am still human whose love to complain and feel not enough.....ha ha ha :D. But it is not about money.
I just still want love from my students....I still love teaching and I happy Allah SWT still allow me to still teaching my students. Even I have to fight with the time....time is not in my side (my feeling) now. Jakarta looks like want to eat me with the traffic jam.
I go home from my office already late and I still have to give private tutoring and I have to take 2.5 hours to get my students house. Again.....it is not about money, it is about my passion to teach, I feel like I am useful person if my students get high score because I teach them. if I think about money, actually money that I get from private tutoring just for cover the transport. Not enough for foods and the sore and aching of my body. It is not worthy if I count with money. BUT IT IS WORTHY with my feeling and my PASSION to make good next generation (candidate of my next leader, right? I always believe that I am teaching my next leader because my students will grow up and be better person to lead Indonesia..Bravo)
Activity? Which activity that I love? Very hard for me to choice to make happy my parents or do what I love.
Allah SWT guide me to do the best even I feel so tired because I go home late, even sometimes I feel scared to go home late but I know I have Allah SWT beside me. Amin.
MY STUDENTS remind me as a good teacher, okay? I ALWAYS LOVE YOU....I HOPE YOU ALWAYS SUCCESS.
Today I use clothes which 9B gave to me. Love you, my students. Can you see it 9B?

Me..without teaching?????

Start on february 1, 2011, I resign from Tugasku Junior high school and work on Dikti.
I have 2 days briefing on February 1 and 2, 2011, in my new office.
I don't know I like my new office or no, I know a lot of people want to be PNS (government employee), so I am so lucky.
But, I really really miss my students....really really miss them a lot.
Usually I teach my students but I can't imagine I just work with paper and computer.
The funny thing, I always sleep on the bus if I went to Tugasku but now, I can't sleep because I always stand up in the bus trans jakarta......I can't do my hobby again (sleep on the bus)..ha ha ha :D
Nadine said," my blood transportation will be okay, and I will be health".
Lala, my sister said,"Because you sleep a lot, so Allah SWT make you wake up now".( lu sih banyakan tidur, makanya Allah kasih lu melek terus)
Nadine and Lala are right...ha ha :D
I want to be upset but I know maybe it is time to me to learn something new...but I feel I can't life without teaching...so anyone can help me...what must I do????????