Today, after yesterday, I still wondering if i get legal or illegal money, do I deserve get the money? While I still confuse and heard so many advise...I cry when I pray until my eyes red....but Dear Allah SWT...You know the best answer, You the owner of everything, You the one who know, what must I do.
Dear God, I hold You so tight, I rely on You, I depend on You.
I ask You, God, how I can solve my problems?
God, I shame to You, You know exactly that actually i know the best answer of my problems.
God, I don't find justification about what I do, I just ask Your help to avoid the bad things.
You know I have to face the reality, 'the habit' that I don't like at all.
Please teach me to accept what I have now, i have to let go my imagination and be brave to face the reality..
Ya Allah SWT, I know I have to learn to be patient, I am afraid now, God, about my principle, myself.
I am afraid, I will be lose myself. It is not about I don't want to change, i just afraid I'm not in Your way anymore.
Hold me, God..help me, guide me always to Your way.
Today, I heard 'the thing' that I try to avoid it and i get 'the thing'.........I cry, I ask You, Allah SWT, please tell me,what must I do????
This evening, while I cry to You, to ask Your help...I think maybe I just pretend I'm okay, I'll be fine but I'm not.
But.....Allah SWT know the best, right? when I went home with Bu Hasmi and stop to waiting public transit...I saw a poor family......I almost cry....Allah remind me and also give best answer...Thanks Allah SWT.
They collect garbage plastic, they are father, mother and three kids with wood cart....Ya Allah SWT, please forgive me....they just passing by, and the mother smile to me...I smile to her and she said,'thanks beautiful girl', I cry...and i realize I get my answer.
THANKS ALLAH SWT for always beside me.
Sincerely, this is for You, Allah SWT.
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